alleewyer.com - Al Lee Wyer - News

CHANEY GOES HUNTIN AGAIN

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Vice President DICK CHANEY took off on another hunting trip today following revelations that it was CHANEY who sent Ambassador JOE WILSON to NIGER back in 03

WILSON was supposed to report back that SADDAM HUSSEIN was seeking Nuclear Materials in AFRICA in order to justify attacking him.

Instead he reported back that SADDAM was seeking another wife or two

CHANEY has been paling arround with Eskimo Rapper " YO BITCH --- COOK THE FISH " and is said to be off in the YUKON hunting Wallrus with the controversial ESKIMO

If the SCOOTER LIBBY TRIAL continues to go like this --- they're gonna need a bigger IGLOO.

LOU DOBBS TONIGHT POLL

SHOULD THE VICE PRESIDENT TRY TO LIVE OFF HIS FAT IF THEY DON'T BAG A WALLRUS SOON
cast your vote at
www.loudobbs.com/zzzzp--OWW--goddamnedEskimojustshotmeintheass

ATTORNEY GENERAL-isimo

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Speaking from the ( BRITHISH PATROLEUM ROTUNDA) of MR LU'S TAKEOUT COMPLEX (at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue) President BUSH announced today that Attorney General ALBERTO GONZALEZ will be adding a new job to his resum'e.--- PRESIDENTIAL LIASON to SPAIN.

" You see, SPAIN, has a Fairly Large LATINO community"
" I mean, personaly, you see, I think it's very Important that We Speak The Same Lanuguage"

" You see, When It comes to the War On Terror----- I want the Spanish---- LATINO --community to know ----"SI HABLA SPANIOL"

" I mean , They Love Freedom". -----I'll Take a couple of Questions ---- Mr Lu -- we can begin now"
----------
LU - " You --- You ask question , ---He answer"

WOLF BLITZER C.N.N News (?) -------- "Mr President, isnt it true that Mr GONZALEZ is on the record as being FOR TORTURE and--- the Detainment of---- AMERICAN CITIZENS---- Without Cause INDEFINITLY.

Pres BUSH:---- " I'm glad you asked that question WOLF-- uh --you see ALBERTO loves Freedom.

But you know that Freedom isn't heh, well, IT ISN'T ----FREE."

I mean ---- uh --- you see, Sometimes the COST OF FREEDOM ---- IS CAPTIVITY.

I mean, let's say THEY HATE FREEDOM you see and We you see Were Free. "

That's all for now, --Mr LU"

M.R LU--- " O.K no more Question , you order or you go home.
We have Noodle on sale, you eat , or you go home"
-------

ARMY POUNDS CLUBBERS

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

The Iranian ARMY OF ALLAH Squash Team Pounded THE GEORGTOWN HARBOR COUNTRY CLUB ( 9--3 ) ( 9-4 ) ( 9-2 ) in the first Match of their Diplomatic Series.

The clubbers were never really in this one

Coach DONALD RUMSFELD was thrown out of the match by referee MOHAMMED JONES after becoming Surley and Insulting
( talk about diplomacy )

The second of the Best of Three Match series resumes today at 1:00 TEHERAN time.
(upo)

New Member of " AXIS"

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

President BUSH announced today that the state of MASSACHUSETTES has been added to the infamous --AXIS OF EVIL.
" This state is a HUGE PRODUCER OF LIBERALS and a Bastion of un-patriotic non believers. " I mean this is a CHRISTIAN country. " We LOVE FREEDOM, AND UH--YOU SEE ---THEY-- UH --THAT'S WHY THEY HATE US (At this point VP CHANEY whispered in the Prsident's ear----" Mr President,-- Massachusettes is where our American Revolution began") ----- YES , UH BY THEM I MEAN THE ISLAMIC EVIL DOers. THEY HATE OUR CHRISTIAN-- " VALUES"-- YOU SEE---
MR BUSH was subsequently ushered off to the REAGAN debriefing room. No further deatails are available at this time.

Iran -- China -- to meet Georgetown

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

An unexpected series of events have apparantly caught the White House off guard and triggered cause for concern

The IRANIAN Government announced today that it had initiated War Games -----only one week after CHINA annonced that it had sucessfuly shot down an orbiting Satelite for the first time

In response to these troubling developments ---a concerned President BUSH has decided to re -initiate his Policy of ----SQUASH DIPLOMACY ----in an effort to decrease the growing tensions

Prs ; " I am sending the ---GEORGETOWN HARBOR COUNTRY CLUB SQUASH TEAM ---- on this Sensative Diplomatic Mission"

TONY SNOW:
( White House Press Scty ) " The Georgetown Squashers will play another best of 5 series with the Iranian ARMY OF ALLAH team next week "

ARMY defeated the clubbers 3 matches to 1 last year.

" They will then vist CHINA the following week and play a three set Match with-- MAOS MARAUDERS ---the 2006 Chinese Squash champs "

President BUSH initiated SQUASH DIPLOMACY last year in an attempt to duplicate President NIXON'S Policy of --- PING PONG DIPLOMACY --- which worked so well in the 1970's
(reut)

Country Star and Eskimo team up

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Country Music Star FULL HOUSE FOLDEM and Eskimo Rapper YO BITCH, COOK THE FISH! are teaming up for a FUSION Video.
MTV and CMT Honcho's are all abuzz about the " Brave new Experiment".
FOLDEM is recovering after being " Disabled" during a recent shoot. He was inadvertantly kicked in the CULLIONS by a mule.
The New Video will feature the Eskimo carrying a TUNA and riding a Polar Bear into Laramie while FOLDEM-- (On Mule)--- sings his New hit song --
" YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON"
A CMT spokesman was Elated-- "NOW THIS IS ART, --- FUSION -- I LOVE IT BABY--NOW , PUT SOME WHEAT IN THERE SOMEWHERE" ( readers digest)

Contry music Star Injured

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Country Star FULLHOUSE FOLDEM was realeased from ALPHALPHA Hospital after suffering an injury in the filming of a new Music Video.--- ( I MADE A UTURN AT THE CORNER THAT LEFT ME RIGHT THERE AT YOUR HEART) ---
FOLDEM was doing a scene in which he was riding down BROKEN HEART AVENUE on a MULE with the TITLE SONG Playing in the Backround.
The Plan was for FULLHOUSE to dismount ----playfully pat the Mule on the Butt -- and walk towards a balcony while singing the chorus to the Breathless Leading Lady.
The Country Star dismounted and was leaning over the back of the mule When suddenly the upredictable beast----(Spooked)----- pushed out it's left rear hoof kicking FOLDEM right in the CULLIONS.
All he could manage was a forced smile for the Camera's as he rolled over towards the Balcony ( music playing in the backround ) finally finding his black hat.
RE-- Filming is Scheduled to Resume After the Allito hearings.-(CMT)

LATEST FOX NEWS POLL

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

In a FOX NEWS POLL conducted last week , a whopping 82% of Viewers agree with Former President BUSH. FREEDOM IS GOOD

In another FOX pole 18% of those surveyed believe that Water comes from Clams.

96% say GOD is a White Guy and a Republican

3% say he's a White Guy and an Independent

1% say he's a Black GAY Democrat

33% say they believe everything they read

and 64% say they don't believe anything they read

87% 'think the Moon Landings were Faked

65 % Think the DUTCH were behind the bombing of PEARL HARBOR

11% changed the channell----- (ap)

Nostalgia

Sat, 03 Dec 2011 00:00:00 -0800

Former President BUSH met with President OBAMA on an informal visit to the White House yesterday and waxed a bit Poetic as he looked back on his two terms in office

FmrPrsBsh : " You know ARAK -- when I came into office there was turmoil in the Middle East " " The Economy was Booming -- and uhhh "

" We put a man on the moon ARAK -- and uhhh -- me and Dick that is and uhhh "

" And RUMMY that is-- uhh "

" Heres something I'll bet you didn't realize "

"' We made thousands of Millionaires and Millions of Billionaires and Thousandairs and Zillions of Hundreaires and --- of uhhhh "

" And I mean back when the Dollar was worth something --- before I got here that is " At this point the ex President was ushered off to the brand new HOOVER DE-BRIEFING ROOM (upi)

G.O.P. beats DEMs

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 00:00:00 -0700

House Speaker JOHN BEIHNOR dragged the Goat Carcass into the Scoring Area at 23:06 of the second haflto give the G.O.P. a 1 carcass to 1/2 hindquarter with tail win over house Democrats yesterday in the first anual congressional BUZKASHI match

Bhnr : "This just shows when we play together ( tears sob tears ) well - WE GOT GOAT (sob )

Democrat NANCY PELOSI had grabbed the Carcass by the Tail and pulled half the torso into the scoring area early in the first half giving Democrats the early lead

President OBAMA is in Afghanistan celebrating the national game. throwing out the first carcass

Prs : " They wanted CHANEY but I'm the President and I GOT GOAT damn it . "

Tea party leaders boycotted the match (upi)