Al Lee Wyer: News

 BULLDOZING FOR CHRIST  the faith based construction firm hired by V.P. Dick Chaney in 2006 is on its way to D. C. again

 In 2006 the Democrats built a COMMUNE on the Lawn that BDfC tore down on the V.P.s orders. Now it seems the OBAMA  administration is in the process of building a Tent City as the search for  MOONBEAM REED'S    ( Stash) continues

Catskill Cover Guy  LEADGUT SPRINSTEIN will be doing a 10:00 show at PUNJABS SHOP n GO  Sat Night

  Spngstn : " This is gonna be a Tribute to Whats his name "

                  " Hey GILLY --  whats that Fat F@!##s name again "  "

  " Let's do a Tribute --  Brown Eyed Girl on Three  - Andaone Andatwo --

President BUSH today announced that the War in IRAQ and the WAR ON TERRORISM is an extension of the WAR ON FACIST HITLER and COMMUNIST STALIN.

Both STALIN and HITLER were SECULAR States that had Borders and Sphere's of influence.
Both were recognized by the International Community had standing Armies -- Diplomatic Representation-- and were Subject to the Rules of War
They represented diametricly opposing IDEOLOGYS and fought a vicious War costing the lives of Millions. One Million Russian lives at STALINGRAD alone.
AL QUEDA is more like SPECTRE ---
The international Orginization of EVIL in the JAMES BOND novels -- BIN LADEN is more like NUMBER ONE than HITLER OR STALIN.

IRANIAN President MAHMUD AHMAJINEDAD --and President BUSH faced off in the second of their three Scheduled Debates last night.

The President Was a bit Late due to a Huge Traffic tie up in Mid Town Manhatten while the IRANIAN leader addressed the U.N.

The following is a transcript of the Debate

Mike Wallace cbs- " Mr Ahmajinedad--- you say ISREAL should be located in Europe--- where do you think the U.S. should be located "

Ahndjd :-- " Meester Wallace- we in IRAN have had a great interest in the U.S. Space Program "
" Perhaps some day the U.S. would consider the exploration and colonazation of MARS "

Prs BSH:-- : " Now he doesn't want to talk about Nukular Stuff you see--- and uh --- now we do have explorers in our OWNERSHIP SOCIETY you see ---
but their busy planning the upcoming HOLY WAR "

Blitzkrieg Horsefly C.N.N.-- " Mr Ahmajinedad do you really believe the U.S. should be moved to MARS ? "

Meester Horsefly -- " We believe the U.S. should live in Peace with it's neighbors such as GREAT BRITAIN and ISREAL "

LOU DOBBS C.N.N.-- " Mr President ---how do you feel about building a Wall on Mars to controle ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION "

Prs Bsh : -- " I believe in the PATH TO CITIZENSHIP you see and "
" We may build a Limited amount of Walls and Trenches you see but --
-uh how many ILLEGALS are we talking about "

The final Debate is Scheduled for next week. (usatdy)

The infamous ' MUSHROOM CLOUD'' Condolessa Rice refered to on the road to war in EYE raque was finally discovered last Wednesday It was found by the Captain of the GEORGETOWN HARBOR COUNTRY CLUB SQUASH TEAM floating across Jamaica Avenue and 176th street In HOLLIS QUEENS Captain BRADLY ROTHSCHILD III : " I and my Butler Winston chanced upon a fog Eminating from WILLIAMS- RELIGIOUS- RASTAFARION STORE on the corner of 176th Street" The Cloud crossed Jamaica Avenue and funeled up 176th street before eventually MUSHROOMING on HILLSIDE AVENUE The effects of the Potentially DEVESTATING CHEMICAL CLOUD were inconclusive Some Passers by simply convulsed into fits of uncontolable laughter and giddiness. While others broke into parked cars ---pilfering car radios -- apparantly intedning to Barter their ILL GOTTEN GAINS in exchange for bags of Potato chips and Dorito's ( an attempt to ward off the unpleasant effect's of what they could only describe as " THE MUNCHIES") All efforts to Interview the Pathetic wretches resulted in quotes such as ----- " WOW--- MAN,---- THAT MICROPHONE-- HAS A TIE MAN!!! ,----- WOW -- MAN '!!! (Damned Rabble!) WILLIAM was unavailable for comment.

In the 1960's Mark Rudd and Students for a Democratic Society were Peacefully Protesting

A Dangerous Dish Washer by the name of JULIO MENDEZ was picked up by LOU DOBBS and his malitia last night MENDEZ was wanted for washing without a licence and had skipped out on a Brillo Violation Dbbs " This ILLEGAL has been terorizing restaurants all over California " MENDEZ had been known to sneak into Restarant Kitchens and wash every pot he could find. Dbbs - " This is an Outrage " " Those are AMERICAN pot's and should be washed by highly skilled AMERICAN Dish Washers " LOU DOBBS TONIGHT POLL SHOULD MENDEZ BE RELEASED IN THE CUSTODY OF MEXICAN FIRM -- WET BACK FIX A FLAT -- OR BE HELD WITHOUT BAIL INDEFFINITLY WITHOUT BEING CHARGED cast your vote at www.loudobbs.com/whyismyfrigginteaspoonsodamneddirty---WAITER!!

9/11 Widow TOOTSIE SHAPIRO made an emotional speech yesterday at the W.T.C memorial in memory of her late Husband

TOOTSIE'S husband LEROY was killed on 9/11 when he was hit by a runaway Private Italian American Sanitation Truck

The Truck was barreling out of control down East Broadway just as Shapiro was in the Process of setting up an AMERICAN FLAG Booth on Church Street and Chambers

Tootsy : " He was carrying a bag of Cell Phone Chargers and Fanny Packs when that LINGUINI MACHINE mowed him down !!"

" SON'S A BITCHES !!! -- Sob Tears sobbb "
" Leroy was a true PATRIOT "

Surrounded by her new Boyfriends---- TOOTSIE exited her MERCEDES dressed in Black---- and placed a 5,000 Dollar gift Certificate from TIFFANY'S in front of LEROY"S name at the monument.

" I always thought he was a useless Son of a Bitch when he was alive----- but now that he's dead--- I Love him and I'll Love him always -- "sob tears sob"

PrsBsh : " You see --- LEROY WAS AN ENTRAPANUER---HE WAS A TRUE OWNER--- IN AN OWNERSHIP SOCIETY "

The former Mrs SHAPIRO was then whisked off by her Butlers to ELAINES where a modest memorial service was held in honor of LEROY --- (ap)

C.N.N.'s BLITZKRIEG HORSEFLY showed up at the Town Hall Debate in Omaha Nebraska hosted by F.O.X News guy GLENN BECK last night

Beck : " We couldn't get a Congressman to show up because of the Communism in the building architechture "

" You see the Communist are Facist really and it's all a plot -- really "

BKH : " But Mr Beck , it would seem that you have a crowd making 8.00 an hour worrying about the deficit and not their own health care "

" NO Cullions -- they didn't want to be photographed with Joe Stalin on the wall"

" Look at that Building I ask you -- is that subversive or what " (ap)

Former Vice President Chaneys hit IRANIAN Sit Com "CHICO AND THE AYATOLLAH" has a new sponser on board --- or at least so it seems.

BULLDOZING FOR CHRIST --- Chaney"s no bid Contracting Company --- has put up the Ill Gotten Gains it acquired following it's Bulldozing of the COMMUNE the Democrats had constructed in Washington D.C.

Chaney : " I love that show-- DOBBS is a natural -- pass me another one Padner "
( Dobbs plays the role of the loveable eight Ball screw up "CHICO")

Iranian President MAHAMUHD AHMAJINEDAD has railed against the sit com calling LOU DOBBS
" A Wonton Satanic Whore "

Episode 20 --- in which CHICO accidently drops a URANIUM ENRICHMENT ROD on the Ayatollahs foot ---recieved a 85 % share of the Iranian Prime Time Audience

LOU DOBBS TONIGHT POLL
SHOULD THE AYATOLLAH WASH HIS SANDALS SINCE HE'S LIT UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE AND MIGHT BE RADIO ACTIVE
cast your vote at
www.loudobbs.com/It'sDarkInHereLittleBuddy--GiveMeaLightWillY--BOOOOOM

Former President BUSH decided to weigh in at President OBAMA'S Town Hall Meeting in Vermont Yesterday

The Former President -- not wanting to steal the spotlight -- Dressed in a Blue Suit

Prs Obma : " Now -- that's where we are now -- any comments "

PrsBsh : " Uhhh I have a comment to make -- isn't it true that all the old Ladies in Illinois are going to be thrown out of the Hospitals and sent to China or Puerto Rico or something "

" Don't shove me Dick You'll get your Turn -- and Rummy too '

Catskill Cover Guy LEADGUT SPRINGSTEIN met with President OBAMA at the Home Depot Garden yesterday afternoon.

( former V.P. Chaney sold the naming rights of the Rose Garden to H.D. back in 05)

Springstein and MARCEL ANDAONE ( inventor of the Drum Machine ) had been touring the catskills together

Prs Obama : " Welcome to the Capitol Lead Gut -- I'm a ardent follower and admirer of your career "

Sprnstn : " Jeeez Thank's Mr. President -- you know I just dropped a two week gig at the INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES on Rt 287 to come visit . I'ts costin me but it's worth it. "
" Good Publicity "

Prs Obma ; " Yes -- well we are certainly happy to see you -- tell me -- who are your primary influences ? "

LGS: " Well theres what's his name uhhh -- jeeez --- Hey GILLY !!! Whats that Fat F(&^%^S name again "

At this point the President was called away on an urgent Administrative matter

LGS : " Hey -- Let's do a tribute !!"

" Brown Eyed Girl on Three --- ANDAONE and a two"

FOX News announced today that the Recession is officialy over

" Let the Depression Begin " Apparently the light at the end of the tunnel is -- of course -- an approaching train.

Former President Bush issued a Statement from Crawford Texas : " Now I told Arrak uhhh -- Whens the damned Rain gonna Stop and uhh"

" You see = We had a Ownership Society "
" Before it went Broke you see "

" You can't cut and Run from Ahmijadadoodoo and -- Look at Eye Raq "

" They Love Freedom and now their Free - thank's to Me and Dick and Rummy and 4000 uhhh -- "

At this point the Former President was once again ushered off to the REAGAN DE - BRIEFING ROOM.
(ap)

MARCEL ANDAONE -- inventor of the Drum Machine was reportadly accosted on 2nd Avenue in New York City last Night

Two men described as "LIBERALS" carrying Accoustic Guitars and a 10 Pound bag of Foodstamps were seen running from the Scene

Andaone appeared Dillusional and was admitted to Bellevue repeatedly shouting at Passers By

" I'm CLAY AIKINS Damn it -- listen I'll sing for you from my new Album ( A CLAY AIKINS CHRISTMAS IN JANUARY )

AAO ; " Sleigh Bells riiiing r u listnin -- in the laaaane "
" I'm that F@$%n Canary damn it !! "

" LET'S LOOP IT AGAIN"" CAMERO ( ANDAONES partner) signed the troubled " Artist " into the mental ward

Catskill Cover Guy---- LEAD GUT SPRINGSTEIYN ----gave an extremly moving speech from THE INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES on Rt 87 following last nights Performance.

Sprinsteiyyne : " I mean what's his name especially was pivotal in my development . "

" I mean , what's his name ? Hey GILLY! ---What's that Fat Fucks name again ??? "
" Let's do a Tribute !"

" BROWN EYED GIRL ON THREE
" AND A ONE- AND A TWO--" - (upi)

A convention of CONSPIRICY THEORIST will be held next month at a location 5 miles north of ROSWELL New Mexico

Nutjob:-- " We expect a real big turnout and maybe even an extratarestrial guest "

" We all know the Government pulled off the 9/11 attacks--Faked the Moon Landings --- and spilled cornflakes on my keyboard "

Former President BUSH has announced that he will address the convention and remind them to be afraid

PrsBsh " You know---BIN LADEN is still out there and ---
Hey---- Isn't that ELVIS over there !! " (upi)
LOU DOBBS TONIGHT POLL

SHOULD CONSPIRICY THEORIST TEAM UP WITH ILLEGAL'S AND START AN
----ALLIEN ALLIANCE--he--he-
cast your vote at
www.loudobbs.com/thesefrigginanteneasareapainintheass

Civilization took a Major Hit Yesterday Afternoon
It seems the President of DEUTCHEBANK was injured while walking down WALL STREET following a Three Martini Lunch

HELMUT FRANKENFUHRER was hit by an Errant Bag of Money as he toured lower Manhattans Financial District

The Bag of Devalued Dollars had inadvertantly fallen from the eighth floor offices of EXON MOBILE on Water Street

A Police Spokesman at the scene clarified the situation : " At first we thought it was a Speculator -- but it turned out to be a bag a cash "

Suzzy Ohrman " This man is a great ASSETT to Humanity"
" I mean he has a Wonderful F.I.C.A. score and his Investments are KEENLY DIVERSIFIED -- The man's a True AMERICAN "

Former PrsBsh : " Now uhhh I know uhh -- what's his name --and uhh he loves Freedom and uhh-- Whew!! "

" We changed the Culture you see and uhh - Whew!!! "
" Me and Dick that is "
' And Rummy "
(ap)

President BUSH sent an email to the White House offering to confront North Korean beloved leader KIM JONG IL on behalf of the OBAMA adminstration

FmrPrsBsh : " Now uhh listen here ARRAK "
" Uhh RUMMY and me know that lil heffer-- hehee and uhh "
" And uhh -- he's no Cattle man I'll tell you that. "

North Korea is planning more rocket launches and the Former President sees a danger to National Security.

" We should get Rummy on this --- and Dick ! "

" Smoke em out and get em on the run you see and uhh "

" Hello -- uhh Arrak uhh Hello "

Following IRAN'S Historic first Satellite Launch earlier this year --- a light appears over the evening sky in Crawford Texas

Ex Prs Bush : " Laura look up there !"
" I think the Moon is Cutin and Runnin "

Laura Bsh : " Now George I don't think that's the Moon , looks more like a Savage Radical Islamic Meteorite "

ExPrs: " Get that Telescope that RUMMY gave us will ya "

" Look Laura it's a Rocket and it has something written on it "

" It says GREETINGS TO THE GREAT SATAN -- GO GET YOUR CAR WASHED. LOVE MAHMOUD '
" Get me Dick on the Phone Pronto"

" That's from that Heathen MAUDAMENDA AJIBANDADIDA and it may be Nukular "

Laura Bsh : " George stop shouting at that thing and come back inside "

ExPrsBsh shouting at the sky

" BRING IT ON "
" And I washed my car last week"
"12.50 and I got a free Pretzel "

Former Vice President DICK CHANEY bagged a huge lummox on his hunting trip to parts unknown.

" I saw it lumbering up that hill over there and BAAM!! I got the Sucker"
" Looked a little like BILL CLINTON from a distance heh heh, -- pass me a beer"

The Lummox was stuffed at the INTERMOUNTAIN TAXADERMY EMPORIUM of a local Hunting Buddy.

When asked about rumours he'd be named Ambasador to Estonia his only reply was

" Give me 6 months and I'll have those ROOSKIES Quoting Scripture, pass me another one will ya"

--- " Look!-------- Over there!!
BAMM!! ---- heh heh That one looked a little like KERRY-- lol"

"I held my fire before I didn't--- --LOOOOOLLL--- pass me another one padner"

Former President BUSH seemed pleased with his Vp

" Only in a FREE Society is it Possable to Shoot and stuff Lummox"

" As I've said before, Im a Cattle man you see, and I love Freedom "
--------------------------
LOU DOBBS TONIGHT POLL

SHOUL LUMMOX BE FAIR GAME ?---- AND IF SO--- SHOULD POLITICIANS LEARN TO DUCK
cast your vote at www.loudobbs.com/lummox

White House Press Secretary THOMAS JEFFERSON addressed the Media from the HOME DEPOT GARDEN this morning.

Former Vice President CHANEY had sold the naming rights to the Rose Garden to Home Depot for 8 years back in 2005

T.Jffsn : ' " Now listen here -- President OBAMA has just informed me that he is naming the Reverend WRIGHT to head The Department of INDIAN AFFAIRS "

C.B.S. " Does that mean he'll be visiting reservations "

T. jffsn : " I really don't know '

N.B.C. " But won't he have to speak with the Tribes ? "

T.Jfsn : " I can't say -- He might though "

C.N.N. " But Mr. Jefferson -- can you tell us anything about his new post and duties ? "

T. Jffsn : " Why you askin me THAT ! "

The Reverend WRIGHT is rumored to be on his way to North Carolina to meet with Cherokee Chief known as LAUGHING FOOT WITH CORN (UPS)

Former V.P. DICK CHANEYS Faith based No Bid Contractors
" BULLDOZING FOR CHRIST " are in the news again

It Seems the Holy Rollers leveled a wall that C.N.N.'s Immigration Expert LOU DOBBS and his Malitia of " GIVE ME ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR " men -- had Constructed in Marietta Georgia

Rev Hacksaw -- C.E.O. of B.F.C. explained.

" You see my boys are all U.S.A approved and was gettin hungry "

" That Dufus builds his Wall around a Tacho Bell and starts askin for proof of Citizenship to get a damned Burrito "

" That's just Un American if you ask me Hallaluah praise Jesus "

DOBBS maintains that he was only
" Fullfiling my Destiny "

" If Mexicans want to eat American Food let em do it in their own Country --- pass the Guacamolie dip will ya "

Authorities are investigating the incident (ap)

LOU DOBBS TONIGHT POLL

SHOULD WHITE CHRISTIAN CONSTRUCTION WORKERS CARRY PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP TO EAT MEXICAN
cast your vote at

www.loudobbs.com/HeyPanchoDon'tLightThatCiga--BOOOOOOM

Music business Honcho's at Atlantic and Capitol Records have announce that they will sponsor a Tribute to the inventer of the drum Machine--MARCEL " AND A ONE "

"AND A ONE" moved on last month but left a legacy of metrononish sound tracks behind as his little piece of history

Jammal Windsor : " He was a real Genius man" " " I mean without him ( and the Japanese ) I doubt there would be American Kaao uhhh I mean Idol"

A huge cerimony is planned with 86,000 drum machines plugged into each other stretching from New York to Los Angeles

Catskill Cover Guy LEAD GUT SPRINGSTEIN will have the honor of pushing the start button. (ap)

Filming began today at M.G.M. Studios on
" THE REGIS PHILBIN STORY " which stars Eskimo Rapper " Yo Bitch -- Cook the Fish " as Regis and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver

REGIS (YBCTF) : " Yo Beaver -- That aint no @$%^# Game Show -- That's my Bitch ! "

" Where the F@$$% Kathy Lee at ? "

Beaver : " Gee Regis -- I uh -- I'll go ask Dad . Maybe he can take us Fishing this weekend "

WALLY : " Gee Beev -- I don't know about that . I think he's going to see the REGIS PHILBIN show "

Director --- CUT !! THATS A TAKE !
Filming resumes tomorrow.
(T.V. Guide)

DaRTAGNAN ROBESPIERRE the Prime Minister of the ASCERBIC STATE OF KaNeF is apparently playing to tough crowds in the U.S.A

ROBESPIERRE is Scheduled to open for British Punk Country Band " Peace of Crap " later this month at the FEED THE ART CRITC and WINE TASTERS Benefit in PARIS

His Mime Act is not being well received to say the least.

Rbspr : " This collection of Flotsum spend their time standing at the Cultural Bus Stop of life without exact change ---- MORONS ! "

In 2006 President BUSH squared off in a debate with Irans MAHAMOUD AHMAJINEDAD

Prs ; " I will Confont the Mullah's of Maddness of the Axis of Evil "

The following is a transcript of the historic event.

Amjndad :-- " Meester BUSH -- as the leader of such a Formidable Military and Economic Power----
How is it that your car is so Filthy ?

PrsBsh-- " You see MAJADIDIDOD -- in an OWNERSHIP SOCIETY"

" Uhhh sometimes you know -- We have to kick up a little dirt to uh---GET THINGS DONE "

LOU DOBBS C.N.N.
" Mr. AHMAJINEDAD where do you stand on Illegal Immigration "

Amjnd : " As you know Meester DOBBS I promised in the Campaign to Chase the Illegal mice out of IRAN ---and allso Promised to get My Car Washed."

" Thanks to IRANS Nuclear Program I was able to fullfill both Promises "

Prs Bsh : " Now uh you see --- He ---he--said something there you see !! "

" What do NUKULAR Programs have to do with uh -- an Illegal Rodent Population ! "

" And by the way I've been Informed that the Presidential Limo was Washed Just Yesterday "

BLITZKRIEG HORSEFLY
C.N.N.
Mr Ahmjndad--- " What became of the Iranian Mice ? "
" Are they being held without being charged !!!"
"And are you embarassed by that "

AHMJNDAD : " Meester HORSEFLY"
" We deported all the Mice to ISRAEL--- which We believe---- should be moved to EUROPE "

" What has my opponent done about Illegal AMERICAN mice ? "

Prs BSH : " Now we-- we have AMERICAN PATRIOTIC CATS who won't CUT AND RUN and uhh --- they'r gonna smoke em out you see --- and get em on the run -- they can run but they can't hide you see "

" And ISREAL should not be in EUROPE --- it belongs in NORTH AFRICA right where it is "

At this point AHMAJINEDAD was ushered off to the KHOMAINI de- briefing room

while

Mr. BUSH --- once again--- was ushered off to the REAGAN de- briefing room
( readers digest )